If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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