maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
