You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
