you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
