Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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