The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I feel like death gave me a hand job
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
