remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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