Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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