I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just puked most of my soul out..
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