Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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