im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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