You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize