my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
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