"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
