Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
