Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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