Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
You took a bar mat shot.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
