My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
