Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
