I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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