I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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