so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
