I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
