i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
