Cold hands, warm shart.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
