Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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