And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
