I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
