I wish they made helmets for livers.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
