i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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