now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
