just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
