Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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