The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
