morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
