Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
