would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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