did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
