I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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