Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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