What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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