Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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