I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
