i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
