Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
