Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
