I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
Randomize