I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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