Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
