Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
