I'm lost and stupid without you.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize