party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
