go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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