and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
