So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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