i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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