I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
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