my mouth tastes like poor choices
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
