We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
