can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
