at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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