She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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