Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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