Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
There's a naked man in my car right now.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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