Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
