But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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