Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
