Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I will be naked everywhere
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
