I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
