I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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