My first STD was from a foam party
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
