You smell like a Billy Joel song
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
